Difficult Times

Illness has so much to teach us about life and about ourselves,  especially if it is a prolonged illness.
As  I go through dealing with symptoms from my health issues that are at times debilitating, it changes my perspective.   I want so much to cope well to the best of my ability using the tools that I have practiced over the years in better times.   Some days I have a positive outlook and can live well with what is happening.   Other days the circumstances of my life seem so  overwhelming I fear I am losing my ability to just hang in there.    In those times I can loose confidence in my ability to stay with what is...  
I am wondering if sometimes we expect too much of ourselves... We think if we have learned and have achieved a certain level of wisdom that we will be able to respond at a higher level in each moment.   I suspect that is not what being human is.   Being human is being able to experience all of it and humbly accept that we can only be where we are, walking the walk with the ups and downs and experiencing an array of emotions without trying to only accept the so called positive ones.   Learning to be patient with ourselves as we climb a "mountain", as we get discouraged at times, or afraid, is all part of the journey.   We don't get to leap over the emotions we don't like.   If we do we will probably  have to visit them later when they burst forward, unexpectedly.      I believe that is where I am doing some intensive learning now... being more comfortable and accepting the difficult emotions as they come and go.